I hope people reading this know the travails of love marriage in modern India. Yes, problems still persist. From relatives killing the lover couple, to in-laws subjecting them to lifetime ridicule and torture, to parents completely disowning them, problems still persist as far as love marriages are concerned and I am not only talking about rural India. Prejudice exists even in big towns and cities. While a few parents have come around to the fact that their children may get married to a person from the other caste, many parents still frown upon inter-caste marriage. With rapid globalization and increased acceptance of western culture, corporate, BPO jobs and increased mingling among men and women of different castes, love marriage is on the rise, even then love marriage is not traditionally in an Indian’s DNA. The pros/cons of love marriage has been hugely debated.
So as Indians (many times willingly and many times confusingly) watch this rapid change happening in front of them, change in culture, work ethics, relationships; and yes marriages too, I from a man’s perspective lay down the following types of Indian men who definitely should not consider love marriage.
1. Men who do not have the time, money and patience to woo a girl. Are you the one, who finds a girl attractive, but finds it boring and time waste to go out for walks, restaurants, movies more than the first few times. Are you unwilling to change yourself too much for the girl, like shaving regularly, maintaining hygiene, wearing good clothes regularly, spending time and money on her etc. Is physical pleasure topmost on your mind and everything else seems useless to you. Do you always ogle at other girls when you are walking with your girl. Guys, if you are one of these, love marriage is NOT for you.
2. Men who are not the right age. From what I have seen and read, two types of love stories are prominent in India. One which begins at the age 16-17 e.g. boy and girl neighbors, began as friends and fell in love; boy and girl same school, started initially studying together, became friends, fell in love; the other love story begins at age 21-22, same college university, introduced by group of friends, started dating, love blossomed. Another rising case of love marriage is among people who are co-workers.
Notice that most of these love stories include a lot of time being spent between the boy and the girl. Indian love marriages are so tough, convincing parents etc. that in order for the love marriage to be accepted and be successful it is important that the boy and girl know each other for a long time and have an unbreakable bond. Men who have missed this chance when you were younger, and now are in your late twenties (above 27), I sincerely recommend arrange marriage to you; love marriage is NOT apt for you!
3. Men who cannot handle confrontations. If you are doing love marriage in India, men be ready for confrontations. There will be opposition from the girl’s parents, relatives. Your own parents may not support you, will curse you. You may be disowned by your relatives. Are you ready for all this? Are you thick skinned? Do you have the patience/ability to convince one and all to bless your love marriage. If need arises do you have the physical, financial, emotional and mental ability to live life on your own terms and still be happy. Men, if you do not possess one of the above qualities, love marriage is NOT suitable for you.
4. Men who are unsteady/impatient/fluctuating. Do you change your opinion faster than you change your clothes. Do you have an unstable carrier. Do you blink haphazardly when asked about your goals 5 years from now. Do you and your girlfriend have frequent fights regarding your future. Are you easily affected when the society is against you and the chips are down? In that case please don’t do love marriage. Women, beware of such men, they will be very patient and motivated till you get married, after that you will be left alone to fight battles and the man will be lazy, confused, impatient and shouting at you for no apparent reason. Men if you belong to this category, accept it with a heavy heart honestly and please do NOT proceed with the love marriage.
5. Men who are dreamy. Do you build castles in the air. But when it is time for reality chicken out. There have been couples who felt they would overcome all obstacles in love, only to get married and suffer. The biggest drawback in most Indian love marriages is you are left alone to fight your battles. Also once, in a bad love marriage, people are afraid/ashamed to approach their parents with their problems, fearing to hear from their parents, “ I told you so”. If you honestly feel you cannot go the distance, accept honestly and do NOT think about love marriage.
6. Men not on the same page with their girlfriend. Women do you feel your man is less committed than you in your fight for love marriage approval. Men, do you feel you and your girl don’t agree much on your future plans. Do you have huge differences as far as career, social life and raising children is concerned. If a couple is not on the same page in topics such as intimacy, finance, future plans and most serious of all: if one feels the love for each other is not reciprocated equally, please dissociate this union and do NOT go ahead with love marriage.
7. Men who have a poor social circle. Do you have friends whom you can trust? There have been cases where friends have promised lifelong loyalty and once problems start coming to the newly love married couple, including threats from relatives, the once ready to give their lives friends turn a blind eye to the love couple’s problems. Do you have such friends? Also if you have no friends can you confront all obstacles on your own and still emerge successful. If you cannot, do NOT go forward with the love marriage.
8. Men who cannot adapt. Are you rigid in your thought and manners. Is it difficult for you to concentrate on your carrier and fight for your love at the same time. Was your girlfriend being a vegetarian O.K to you when you were dating and is not O.K to you now. Many couples feel the pinch of cultural differences after a love marriage; and only a few are able to adapt. The language, the food, the prayer habits are all different. Initially, blinded by love, the couple thinks they can adjust and adapt to everything, but this is not true in every case. If you think, you cannot adapt to different living, housing, surroundings, culture, food etc please eat humble pie and love marriage, sadly is definitely NOT for you.
9. Rule of thumb. Men be honest, do you have a roving eye, do NOT go for love marriage. Is your woman rock solid in support with you. Will she tomorrow, develop cold feet, if her parents sweet talk her into marrying someone else. If you think this will happen, please do NOT go for love marriage.
Friday, 16 December 2011
Saturday, 10 December 2011
The Passionate Lover
He feels he should win. He wants to hug her, kiss her, never let her go. He wants to fight for her, marry her. He wants to win against all odds.He feels she is precious. Everytime he touches her he wants the time to freeze. There are lots of obstacles but he is ready to battle. He wants to marry her at all costs.He meets her secretly. Behind the trees, in the farm. He makes sure no one sees them. When he is sure no one is watching he steals a kiss from her, brushes her hair lovingly. As he is about to love her some more, he sees a villager coming. He stops suddenly. The villager sees them. “How come you are here, at this hour?.” He says “Shh, don’t tell anyone.” The villager nods strangely and walks away. “It’s time to go”, the girl says. The parents of the kids will arrive any time now. Actually she runs a nursery where kids aged 3-9, whose parents are busy working, play and occassionally study.
She goes to the nursery. He follows her. Some parents have already arrived. “Hope, my little one didn’t trouble you.”, one parent tells the girl. No, aryan was very disciplined today, she tells the parent. One by one all children leave. “What about those two?” he asks her. “Oh, these twins atharva and aparna (pointing to a five yr old boy and girl)”, their parents, Mr and Mrs Mathur are getting divorced and none of them wants to take the responsibility of the children so mean and selfish. They are fighting a bitter custody battle where they are more worried who will get the 7 room bunglow, the three cars and the office profit. They wanted to give the children to the orphange. For the past two years these children are coming to my nursey. They seem to love me. I asked the Mathurs whether I can keep them. They were happy, anyway for them it is one problem reduced. I have actually signed official adoption certificates. At this moment the little boy started crying. Hey handsome, don’t cry see see bird in the sky. You want to fly, fly like the bird he waved the child up and down. The boy stopped crying “Hey, it seems he likes you.” “Ya I guess.” At this moment, he saw the girl’s father coming from a distance, O Gosh! Its your dad I better leave. All right, tomorrow, same place, he holds her hand and kisses it and slips away.
Next day he sees her with her dad and family in a temple. He signals her to meet him behind the shed. He has brought flowers for her. She quickly slips away when her folks are offering prayers. He is waiting for her. He puts the flowers on her long beautiful hair as the sun sets in front of them. He sings a loving romantic song praising her beauty and grace. O! its time the girl exclaims. I should go. Why you always talk about going, he asks exasparatedly. One of these days I am going to tell your father that we both are extremely in love and no power on earth can stop our union. We are going to get married No one is going to stop that. “All right all right calm down I am going to meet you again soon “. She leaves. Next day, while she is buying vegetables in the market, he goes towards her and secretly signals her. The market is heavily crowded. He does not want the girl’s father to catch her. She gets his sign and tells her father, Dad I will be back in a minute. Alright beta the dad says, but come back soon, Dr Vitthalrao is going to come in the evening for check up. “Oh, sure dad, I will come soon”. Ramu, the regular vegetable vendor, says,” Mr Karamchand, I have seen you face tribulations for the last many years. May lord shiva cure all your troubles. Thanks Ramu, I hope today after the doctor’s checkup I will feel better. I hope today’s reports are more positive than the previous months’s.
Meanwhile He is upset that she is late.” Why are you so late?” I sent you a signal twenty minutes ago. You know I can’t wait.” “I am sorry, actually dad was telling me about a doctor’s appointment. I couldn’t come soon. I wanted to sympathize with him.” “What doctor appointment, no amount of treatment will cure your oldie stubborn dad.” Anyway I have had it enough. Today I am going to tell about our love to your father. “But, But today, Dr Vitthalrao is coming for checkup.”, she says. “So what, he says. I am not afraid of anyone. Let the doctor or even the entire village come. I am afraid of no one. Our love is more powerful than the mighty rivers and mountains . “ Nothing can break me”. “O.K, if you are confidant come and speak to my father. Even I am tired of meeting you secretly and having to be embarrased when people see us being intimate. “Alright then, Here I come to conquer once for all my love, my life, my Arti. He kisses her, holds her hand and walks to her home with her.
Her father is at the door-step of the house. Sitting next to him is an elderly gentleman. The boy has now come at the door step, still holding the girl’s hands. “ Mr Karamchand, he says boldly, I love Arti. I want to marry her. I will shower all the love and warmth in the world to your daughter. She will be taken care of and respected. She will be treated like a Queen. Every-breath of my life I dedicate to Arti, he says looking her in the eye.There are tears in her eyes. “Wel err…,”, Mr Karamchand is half shocked, half surprised. “Young man, can I talk to you for a moment.”, says the elderly gentleman sitting next to Mr karamchand. Allright he says. He looks at Mr Karamchand who is still speechless. Inside the house the elderly gentleman says, “ Hi, I am Dr Vitthalrao. Can I talk to you for a moment.” Ya sure the young man says. Is everything alright with Arti’s father’s health. Yes he is doing well says the doctor. The doctor and the young man go inside.
“Knock Knock”, arti just see who is at the door says Mr Karamchand. Arti, wiping her tears opens the door. Namaste Madam I am from the Census Department a young lady says flashing her eye card. Yes Yes come in Madam. By now Arti and her father have regained their composure. How many people are there in this family. Arti says, Myself Arti Mahendran, My father Mr karamchand, My husband Suhas mahendran. Do you have children? The census lady asks. Yes, says arti They are twins atharva mahendran and aparna mahendran. Meanwhile inside the house Dr Vitthalrao speaks to the young man. “O.K Suhas, come let’s begin our monthly checkup.”
Notes: The above paragraph was the suspense of the story. Actually the lover couple is actually a husband-wife couple suhas and arti and the twins initially mentioned(atharva and aparna) are their own twins.
Actually the flashback is: suhas is a huge romance movie buff. He likes romance the way it is shown in films with all grandeur,light, songs, cheesiness etc. Also he loves confrontation in the form of resistance from parents of couples in relationships. All this he has loved in movies. Suhas felt even he should get married the filmy way. But suhas’s marriage to arti is a normal arranged marriage with no grandeur and drama the way he loved it in films.
Suhas was frustated after marriage since there was no larger than life incident which he so craved. This made him feel sick, resulting in bouts of depression. He used to unnecessarily shout at arti and sometimes even beat her. After the birth of their twins arti could no more take this injustice. She informed her father dr karamchand. His friend dr. vitthalrao checked suhas and during one such checkup session he realized suhas’s vain obsession with romance films and drama and his great desire to love someone. The doctor then with arti’s concent gave him an injection which makes him lose the memory of the past few years so he does not remember marrying arti and having twins.
Arti, though sad, is relieved that suhas atleast loves her, if not as a wife atleast now that he thinks of her as his lover. The doctor checks up suhas every month for recurrence of his memory. Dr karamchand and the entire village know about this but they play along the drama that suhas and arti are lover couples.
Great effort is made that suhas should never retain his memory. As we can note arti says that the twins are mathur’s and not theirs. Thousands of lies are not illegal when one love has to triumph.
Monologue: He loves love stories. Where the guy crosses thousands of hurdles and marries the girl he loves. He loves the confrontation. Confronting the girl’s family, her father, brother, confronting the town. He is ready for a fight if necessary. He loves being a hero, fighting for his lady love with dramatic love songs being played in the background. He wants to triumph in love with all bruiises and wounds.(The adoption certificate is actually the birth certificate of atharva and aditi, their children).
She goes to the nursery. He follows her. Some parents have already arrived. “Hope, my little one didn’t trouble you.”, one parent tells the girl. No, aryan was very disciplined today, she tells the parent. One by one all children leave. “What about those two?” he asks her. “Oh, these twins atharva and aparna (pointing to a five yr old boy and girl)”, their parents, Mr and Mrs Mathur are getting divorced and none of them wants to take the responsibility of the children so mean and selfish. They are fighting a bitter custody battle where they are more worried who will get the 7 room bunglow, the three cars and the office profit. They wanted to give the children to the orphange. For the past two years these children are coming to my nursey. They seem to love me. I asked the Mathurs whether I can keep them. They were happy, anyway for them it is one problem reduced. I have actually signed official adoption certificates. At this moment the little boy started crying. Hey handsome, don’t cry see see bird in the sky. You want to fly, fly like the bird he waved the child up and down. The boy stopped crying “Hey, it seems he likes you.” “Ya I guess.” At this moment, he saw the girl’s father coming from a distance, O Gosh! Its your dad I better leave. All right, tomorrow, same place, he holds her hand and kisses it and slips away.
Next day he sees her with her dad and family in a temple. He signals her to meet him behind the shed. He has brought flowers for her. She quickly slips away when her folks are offering prayers. He is waiting for her. He puts the flowers on her long beautiful hair as the sun sets in front of them. He sings a loving romantic song praising her beauty and grace. O! its time the girl exclaims. I should go. Why you always talk about going, he asks exasparatedly. One of these days I am going to tell your father that we both are extremely in love and no power on earth can stop our union. We are going to get married No one is going to stop that. “All right all right calm down I am going to meet you again soon “. She leaves. Next day, while she is buying vegetables in the market, he goes towards her and secretly signals her. The market is heavily crowded. He does not want the girl’s father to catch her. She gets his sign and tells her father, Dad I will be back in a minute. Alright beta the dad says, but come back soon, Dr Vitthalrao is going to come in the evening for check up. “Oh, sure dad, I will come soon”. Ramu, the regular vegetable vendor, says,” Mr Karamchand, I have seen you face tribulations for the last many years. May lord shiva cure all your troubles. Thanks Ramu, I hope today after the doctor’s checkup I will feel better. I hope today’s reports are more positive than the previous months’s.
Meanwhile He is upset that she is late.” Why are you so late?” I sent you a signal twenty minutes ago. You know I can’t wait.” “I am sorry, actually dad was telling me about a doctor’s appointment. I couldn’t come soon. I wanted to sympathize with him.” “What doctor appointment, no amount of treatment will cure your oldie stubborn dad.” Anyway I have had it enough. Today I am going to tell about our love to your father. “But, But today, Dr Vitthalrao is coming for checkup.”, she says. “So what, he says. I am not afraid of anyone. Let the doctor or even the entire village come. I am afraid of no one. Our love is more powerful than the mighty rivers and mountains . “ Nothing can break me”. “O.K, if you are confidant come and speak to my father. Even I am tired of meeting you secretly and having to be embarrased when people see us being intimate. “Alright then, Here I come to conquer once for all my love, my life, my Arti. He kisses her, holds her hand and walks to her home with her.
Her father is at the door-step of the house. Sitting next to him is an elderly gentleman. The boy has now come at the door step, still holding the girl’s hands. “ Mr Karamchand, he says boldly, I love Arti. I want to marry her. I will shower all the love and warmth in the world to your daughter. She will be taken care of and respected. She will be treated like a Queen. Every-breath of my life I dedicate to Arti, he says looking her in the eye.There are tears in her eyes. “Wel err…,”, Mr Karamchand is half shocked, half surprised. “Young man, can I talk to you for a moment.”, says the elderly gentleman sitting next to Mr karamchand. Allright he says. He looks at Mr Karamchand who is still speechless. Inside the house the elderly gentleman says, “ Hi, I am Dr Vitthalrao. Can I talk to you for a moment.” Ya sure the young man says. Is everything alright with Arti’s father’s health. Yes he is doing well says the doctor. The doctor and the young man go inside.
“Knock Knock”, arti just see who is at the door says Mr Karamchand. Arti, wiping her tears opens the door. Namaste Madam I am from the Census Department a young lady says flashing her eye card. Yes Yes come in Madam. By now Arti and her father have regained their composure. How many people are there in this family. Arti says, Myself Arti Mahendran, My father Mr karamchand, My husband Suhas mahendran. Do you have children? The census lady asks. Yes, says arti They are twins atharva mahendran and aparna mahendran. Meanwhile inside the house Dr Vitthalrao speaks to the young man. “O.K Suhas, come let’s begin our monthly checkup.”
Notes: The above paragraph was the suspense of the story. Actually the lover couple is actually a husband-wife couple suhas and arti and the twins initially mentioned(atharva and aparna) are their own twins.
Actually the flashback is: suhas is a huge romance movie buff. He likes romance the way it is shown in films with all grandeur,light, songs, cheesiness etc. Also he loves confrontation in the form of resistance from parents of couples in relationships. All this he has loved in movies. Suhas felt even he should get married the filmy way. But suhas’s marriage to arti is a normal arranged marriage with no grandeur and drama the way he loved it in films.
Suhas was frustated after marriage since there was no larger than life incident which he so craved. This made him feel sick, resulting in bouts of depression. He used to unnecessarily shout at arti and sometimes even beat her. After the birth of their twins arti could no more take this injustice. She informed her father dr karamchand. His friend dr. vitthalrao checked suhas and during one such checkup session he realized suhas’s vain obsession with romance films and drama and his great desire to love someone. The doctor then with arti’s concent gave him an injection which makes him lose the memory of the past few years so he does not remember marrying arti and having twins.
Arti, though sad, is relieved that suhas atleast loves her, if not as a wife atleast now that he thinks of her as his lover. The doctor checks up suhas every month for recurrence of his memory. Dr karamchand and the entire village know about this but they play along the drama that suhas and arti are lover couples.
Great effort is made that suhas should never retain his memory. As we can note arti says that the twins are mathur’s and not theirs. Thousands of lies are not illegal when one love has to triumph.
Monologue: He loves love stories. Where the guy crosses thousands of hurdles and marries the girl he loves. He loves the confrontation. Confronting the girl’s family, her father, brother, confronting the town. He is ready for a fight if necessary. He loves being a hero, fighting for his lady love with dramatic love songs being played in the background. He wants to triumph in love with all bruiises and wounds.(The adoption certificate is actually the birth certificate of atharva and aditi, their children).
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