Men who should not do love marriage in modern India

I hope people reading this know the travails of love marriage in modern India. Yes, problems still persist. From relatives killing the lover couple, to in-laws subjecting them to lifetime ridicule and torture, to parents completely disowning them, problems still persist as far as love marriages are concerned and I am not only talking about rural India. Prejudice exists even in big towns and cities. While a few parents have come around to the fact that their children may get married to a person from the other caste, many parents still frown upon inter-caste marriage. With rapid globalization and increased acceptance of western culture, corporate, BPO jobs and increased mingling among men and women of different castes, love marriage is on the rise, even then love marriage is not traditionally in an Indian’s DNA. The pros/cons of love marriage has been hugely debated.

So as Indians (many times willingly and many times confusingly) watch this rapid change happening in front of them, change in culture, work ethics, relationships; and yes marriages too, I from a man’s perspective lay down the following types of Indian men who definitely should not consider love marriage.

1. Men who do not have the time, money and patience to woo a girl. Are you the one, who finds a girl attractive, but finds it boring and time waste to go out for walks, restaurants, movies more than the first few times. Are you unwilling to change yourself too much for the girl, like shaving regularly, maintaining hygiene, wearing good clothes regularly, spending time and money on her etc. Is physical pleasure topmost on your mind and everything else seems useless to you. Do you always ogle at other girls when you are walking with your girl. Guys, if you are one of these, love marriage is NOT for you.

2. Men who are not the right age. From what I have seen and read, two types of love stories are prominent in India. One which begins at the age 16-17 e.g. boy and girl neighbors, began as friends and fell in love; boy and girl same school, started initially studying together, became friends, fell in love; the other love story begins at age 21-22, same college university, introduced by group of friends, started dating, love blossomed. Another rising case of love marriage is among people who are co-workers.
Notice that most of these love stories include a lot of time being spent between the boy and the girl. Indian love marriages are so tough, convincing parents etc. that in order for the love marriage to be accepted and be successful it is important that the boy and girl know each other for a long time and have an unbreakable bond. Men who have missed this chance when you were younger, and now are in your late twenties (above 27), I sincerely recommend arrange marriage to you; love marriage is NOT apt for you!

3. Men who cannot handle confrontations. If you are doing love marriage in India, men be ready for confrontations. There will be opposition from the girl’s parents, relatives. Your own parents may not support you, will curse you. You may be disowned by your relatives. Are you ready for all this? Are you thick skinned? Do you have the patience/ability to convince one and all to bless your love marriage. If need arises do you have the physical, financial, emotional and mental ability to live life on your own terms and still be happy. Men, if you do not possess one of the above qualities, love marriage is NOT suitable for you.

4. Men who are unsteady/impatient/fluctuating. Do you change your opinion faster than you change your clothes. Do you have an unstable carrier. Do you blink haphazardly when asked about your goals 5 years from now. Do you and your girlfriend have frequent fights regarding your future. Are you easily affected when the society is against you and the chips are down? In that case please don’t do love marriage. Women, beware of such men, they will be very patient and motivated till you get married, after that you will be left alone to fight battles and the man will be lazy, confused, impatient and shouting at you for no apparent reason. Men if you belong to this category, accept it with a heavy heart honestly and please do NOT proceed with the love marriage.

5. Men who are dreamy. Do you build castles in the air. But when it is time for reality chicken out. There have been couples who felt they would overcome all obstacles in love, only to get married and suffer. The biggest drawback in most Indian love marriages is you are left alone to fight your battles. Also once, in a bad love marriage, people are afraid/ashamed to approach their parents with their problems, fearing to hear from their parents, “ I told you so”. If you honestly feel you cannot go the distance, accept honestly and do NOT think about love marriage.

6. Men not on the same page with their girlfriend. Women do you feel your man is less committed than you in your fight for love marriage approval. Men, do you feel you and your girl don’t agree much on your future plans. Do you have huge differences as far as career, social life and raising children is concerned. If a couple is not on the same page in topics such as intimacy, finance, future plans and most serious of all: if one feels the love for each other is not reciprocated equally, please dissociate this union and do NOT go ahead with love marriage.

7. Men who have a poor social circle. Do you have friends whom you can trust? There have been cases where friends have promised lifelong loyalty and once problems start coming to the newly love married couple, including threats from relatives, the once ready to give their lives friends turn a blind eye to the love couple’s problems. Do you have such friends? Also if you have no friends can you confront all obstacles on your own and still emerge successful. If you cannot, do NOT go forward with the love marriage.

8. Men who cannot adapt. Are you rigid in your thought and manners. Is it difficult for you to concentrate on your carrier and fight for your love at the same time. Was your girlfriend being a vegetarian O.K to you when you were dating and is not O.K to you now. Many couples feel the pinch of cultural differences after a love marriage; and only a few are able to adapt. The language, the food, the prayer habits are all different. Initially, blinded by love, the couple thinks they can adjust and adapt to everything, but this is not true in every case. If you think, you cannot adapt to different living, housing, surroundings, culture, food etc please eat humble pie and love marriage, sadly is definitely NOT for you.

9. Rule of thumb. Men be honest, do you have a roving eye, do NOT go for love marriage. Is your woman rock solid in support with you. Will she tomorrow, develop cold feet, if her parents sweet talk her into marrying someone else. If you think this will happen, please do NOT go for love marriage.